So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
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Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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