While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
