Whod you bang
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
