eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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