Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
