NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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