We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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