I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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