I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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