Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
