I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
