dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
