Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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