What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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