he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
