I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
