I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
