Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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