I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
