Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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