Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
