I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now