Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
