after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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