He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
