D3 body, D1 cock
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is it penis luge time yet?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
