I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
