I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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