Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
