so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i will never coherently bang her
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
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Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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