I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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