omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize