grandma shit on top of the toilet
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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