I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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