Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
