I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
