How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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