One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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