I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
