here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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