His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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