But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
