How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we made out on top of his cat.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
