He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
