Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
