I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
