batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize