I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
