she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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