what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
