Where is the hickey?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
