He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
