FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
