Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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