Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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