He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
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i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
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wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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