Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
