you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
