Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
