so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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