I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Panties = found
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
