I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I need to stop coming to work sober
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
