I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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