Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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