Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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