I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
