If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
