a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
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I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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