You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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