dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
