just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
