I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
