Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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