haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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