didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
