I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
