Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
